Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
