i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
