You made me cry and you don't even care
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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