she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
