Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
