He disabled his match.com account in front of me
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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