I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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