I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
