you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
