Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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