I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
