I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
