I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize