i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
