i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
