Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
