I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
