Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
