I'm really into asian looking animals
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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