idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
