Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize