I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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