the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
someone threw a dead crab at me
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
