The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
tell me about the fingering
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize