Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
