No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
