and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You need Xanax blowdarts
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
