i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
