put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
