pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
