u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Randomize
