well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
