sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
