If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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