oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
