you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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