i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
