every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
