Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Randomize
