the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
