Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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