at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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