dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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