when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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