Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I think I just sharted jello shots
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
