Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
