i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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