About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
