Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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