yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
