i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
