The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
