Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
