Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
