It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
