11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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