Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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