you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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