I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
