tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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