im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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