brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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