I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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