Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
she smelled like a LAN party
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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