Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
