WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
