When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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