at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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