My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
