all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
