I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
My cat gives me a boner
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
