Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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