I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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