he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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