dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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