I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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