Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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