My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
