Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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