Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize