The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
