I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
