Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize