Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
