This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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