Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
