My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
