mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
