so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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