I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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