You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
