i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
