he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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