I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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