plz talk dirty to me
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
