I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
