Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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