until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
