Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize