Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Randomize
