And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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