I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I'm having to shit out rocks
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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