is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
