Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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