How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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