i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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