I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
