he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
