We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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