grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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