Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
