at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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